Pray Boldly

One Sunday awhile back the message at church was to PRAY BOLDLY. To me that is kind of like "Go big or go home".  I love that saying, yea it is cocky on some levels, but on most levels it is "if you are going to do something worth while, then do it right".
I have always thought that, have I always lived that? NO, I have not. Do I try to live that way now? YES, indeed. I am a sinner, but God loves me anyway, and he sent his son to die on the cross for my sins. Now, I want to do right by that.

In Acts 28:31 it says;
"Proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ with all boldness and without hindrance."

I often find it difficult to share with people my faith. Am I embarrassed? No, I am not embarrassed at all. Am I fearful of their reaction or comment? Yea, sometimes. Am I able to walk up to a stranger and share with them Jesus Christ? Maybe. Am I more bold today sharing God than I was last year, or the year before? INDEED I am!!!! Does this constitute being bold for God? Sharing your story?  Yes, I think it does, but it is not limited to just that. Praying to God boldly is another way of being bold for God.

Praying is sometimes a challenge for me, what do I say, when do I say it, how long should I pray? All very good questions and I would imagine a lot of people have those and other questions.  I am a silent prayer type of girl, and often I am distracted and go off in my mind on other things.  But, I always come back to it eventually. But eventually is not good enough for me.

Have you ever thought or said "If you really are there God show me"? I was raised in a Lutheran church, I did Sunday School and my first communion, I was an acolyte, I was in the youth group, I learned fundamentals there, but I didn't "get it". When I married we went to his church, a Methodist church, basically the same, but not as "fancy". We dedicated our children to God, they went to VBS and when my husband was ill we went every Sunday, he honestly from his heart believed that he would be OK, his faith gave him that assurance. "OK" though is a relative thing.  We never talked about what his OK meant versus what my OK meant. My OK was his survival. When my husband passed away in 1994 I turned my back on God, I didn't understand why the father of my children had to die, what kind of God is he to allow such a horrible thing?  I went into survival mode, I was now a widow raising two children ages nine and seven alone. During his illness, everyone was there to help, make meals, take him to appointments, take him to events, when he died everyone disappeared. After all, what does one say to a 29 year old widow? Worst yet is, what does a 29 year old widow say to her children and herself about "why"?

It never occurred to me to turn to God for his guidance. In fact I turned further and further away, my choices were bad, my actions were worse and my children suffered from my isolation. No, they were not neglected or abused, but I wasn't always "there" for them mentally. I look back now and regret is the word of choice.  But I know now to ask God to take that regret from me, so that I can heal.  I tried different churches when we moved to Florida.  They seemed to all be the same, how much money can you give us? Not even a hello or welcome.  Religion is big business.  Faith though is free.

My children are both adults now, and I am now an adult in my faith. I found my church home, no I did not miss type  - it is not my "home" church, it IS my church HOME.  I feel as good there as I do in my home. I have so many friends that I can call family now, and thankfully, my daughter does too. These men and women have helped to open my eyes and my heart to Jesus Christ our savior. PRAY BOLDLY  said one of them. That is all it takes sometimes, just one person to help open that heavy door of your heart, just one person to smile and greet you. The door to my heart was so heavy, and had like 17 deadbolt locks on it. My life reflected that in every way from 1994 until 2012.  That is 18 years of my life without me actively seeking God, without prayer, without faith. That makes me stop and pause............. that makes me cry for myself and my children.

I am thankful everyday that it is not that way anymore. So back to praying boldly. I have personally witnessed two amazing women pray boldly. While we were in Haiti one of our guys hurt his back and they decided to lay hands on him.  I was thinking "what in the world?" I have never seen this, never really heard of it.  But I didn't want to be the one weirdo that didn't participate. We literally laid our hands on him, some sat, some stood, some were on their knees and one of the women started praying.  It was by the far the most intense, boldest and amazing prayers I have every heard, and it was long too, focused and bold, did I say bold?  I was so amazed, I kept thinking what the heck? Then at one point I stopped thinking about it and started thinking about the man we were laying hands on. I didn't know who was were in the mass of people, but I know now that one woman was behind me and her hand was on my shoulder.  The shoulder that I have chronic spasms in.  At one point I thought I was on fire, the heat was so intense, but not painful at all. I started to think, OK, God this is freaking me out, but I kinda like it!!! I think at one point another one of the women started praying, it seemed to go on for a long time but wasn't like "OK, let's wrap this up". After we finished most of us were crying, I don't remember making much eye contact, this was my first experience with this power and I was freaked out a bit.  Eye contact equals vulnerability and I must avoid that! (Not anymore though) I later found out that they prayed over him again later, I don't even know where I was then, but I was told it WAS EVEN MORE AWESOME. I was probably in a fetal position thinking only of myself.

Since then I have actively sought out one of the women to pray over foster children I have had in my care that really really needed GOD to flood them with His grace.  I have asked her to pray for me when I was full of fear over bad situations in my life. She has "the stuff" and I want to learn that power.  

Psalms 138:3 says;
"On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased."

Can it really be that simple? Are you able to let go of your pride, your control and your thinking to allow our Savior to enter your life and actually help you and not expect anything in return?

John 14:14
"If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

I always thought that being in control of myself and my world was my job and it caused an inner turmoil that I never recognized as turmoil. I just kept thinking, I need to do better, I need to tweak this or change that. God is in control, if you just ask Him, things work.  How amazing is that?

Sunday night when I was trying to put my foster girls to bed they cried and they screamed, they would not calm down, I got them both out of their cribs and I rocked them and sang nursery rhymes. Eventually they fell asleep, probably because they could not stand my singing, but nonetheless they slept.  Last night when it was bed time I went right to the recliner to rock them and I sang one song and mid way through it God said "pray". It was one of those thoughts that makes you miss a beat, stop and pause and think, "whoa where did that come from?" And then you think "why didn't I think of that?"

So I prayed out loud and bold. I prayed over these two beautiful little girls, I asked God to please fill them with calm and peace and let them sleep and not cry. I felt so bold asking that, I even felt selfish for asking that. I want these girls to have the peace of God in them, even though at their ages they do not understand. I also prayed that God would help me get up out of the recliner while holding two babies and not need to put one down to get up.  That one was super bold!!! I rocked a little harder gaining momentum and up we all went.  Like a gymnast nailing her dismount!  I put them both in their cribs and sang another song, one fussed a bit and I sang Amazing Grace and Hush little baby. I walked out, closed the door................quiet......utter silence.

I threw both my arms up and pointed to the sky and said "YOU ROCK GOD!!!!!!!!!"  I was filled with awe. Seriously all we have to do is ask.  Now, don't get me wrong, it won't happen like that every time.  Sometimes he wants us to wait, to be humbled, to learn a lesson.  Maybe the girls were just really tired from daycare all day. Maybe with full bellies they had no control over sleep. OR......maybe......it was just GOD doing what GOD does best!

PRAY BOLD.....go ahead............do it